Kids of divorced parents on California kids vacations...how are you going to please them? With over 50% of kids in "divorced parents" situations and additional children living with parents who never married, but split up, or kids who live with neither parent, how can families create vacations that serve the needs of all?

California kids vacations - "Leave it Beaver" got ditched back in the 1950's as divorce and family institutions began to change. A "typical" marriage--parents of opposite sex with natural born children in the household is out there somewhere, but isn't necessarily the norm in the 21st century. Even when it existed, life wasn't always so rosy for the parents or kids. Perhaps Hollywood hoped to create shows that made people happy, teaching parenting skills and metering out punishment in fair ways to precocious youth who didn't obey.  However, many remember vacations where the family all piled into a car with a camper trailer attached to the back of powerful Chrysler or Ford motor-driven product. With parents smoking their Lucky Strike cigarettes and the kids sneezing, wheezing and hating the smell, or brain-fogged during a thousand-mile trip, those good old days weren't necessarily the healthiest. Perhaps mom and dad pulled over to the side of the road to smack one of the kids for fighting with a sibling. Oh the good old days.

Things have changed.  And to serve the needs of families planning California kids vacations in this new age, parents, stepparents, grandparents and relatives who are taking the kids with them should take some things into account.

Most of us adults have sat next to a child on a flight who's young, alone, and going to see a parent. The experience can be frightening for some kids and to be honest, on the majority of flights I've been on the kids get little or no attention from flight attendants. Often it is a passenger sitting next to a child who acts as a voice for the youth, requesting the kid get a bathroom trip, water or whatever is needed.

When kids fly to see parents on weekends or for vacation, sadly parents sometimes take the feelings of their pets into account more than their youth. So if your kids vacation involves the child flying first to see you, give them a day of rest so they can relax and spend some time not being shuffled around like produce reaching its destination in time to be consumed.

We're time-bankrupt, working harder and faster to squeeze in our pleasure, juggling it around jobs, kids, banking, hair, sports and other needs. Yet time and again the studies tell us two things about travel. One trend is that children want QUALITY time, NOT time, with their parents. They say that if they had to choose between yet another trip to Disneyland or a hug and some dinner with mom, dad/both, give them the love first. Take the kid out but talk, ask them about themselves, and stay off the cell phone, focusing on the kid as if he or she was the only thing that mattered in your life.

Another trend that blends with this theme is the preference for vacations that offer experiences, not things. With that being true for adults and children both, make the best of the split-up family and kid-shuffling with quality fun. Did you ever think that just visiting you may be the vacation?  One young girl who was shuffled on weekends between her mother and father was always kept busy, running. But when her father asked her what she wanted to do one time, she answered him with "sleep." It seems her mom kept her running all week and the child was missing needed rest. A pattern developed in which the child was given half a day extra to sleep, and though it wasn't what her dad had in mind as fun, she forever thought of him as her helper who cared about her when she grew up. During that child's growing up years, her father crafted the vacations so that a day of rest was part of the equation. Once the child caught up and was good to go, she became more fun and responsive, and a bond was formed for good.

So the biggest lessons for planning vacations for children who travel between parents are these tips:

1) Be sensitive to the needs of the child and the schedule they bring into the relationship. Sure, it may not offer what you prefer, but don't ignore or deny it. Dogs and cats often are better at communication than youth. When a dog is tired, it goes to sleep. When it is hungry it stands by the food dish. Be sure to look for cues from your kids concerning the basic human needs.

2) Think quality, think relationships, think love.

3) Experiences, not things. Whatever you plan and wherever you go, consider how it can be turned into an experience to remember through communication and sharing.

4) Repeat, repeat...not. Don't take kids to Disneyland 50 times in a year just because you have an annual pass. They grow to hate it. Throw some variety into the California kids vacation. Take your kids to an aquarium or to the beach to build a sandcastle and have a bonfire. It's messy, and it's fun for them.

5) Ask children what they like. Maybe you'll get some great ideas and work out a compromise for a vacation that fulfills many things for its participants.

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